I’ve been in school almost my entire life. I started preschool shortly before turning 3. I started elementary school at age 6. I followed the standard path through middle school and high school and then went directly to college. After college I earned two Master’s degrees and then a PhD. Even after that I didn’t want to leave. I now teach at a university.
As you may have guessed by now, I love school. I’m good at school. I’ve learned a lot through school. So it comes as a surprise to some people that I have chosen not to send my kids to school. Instead, we’ve embraced the philosophy of unschooling. Unschooling is a form of homeschooling that rejects the idea of replicating the school environment at home in favor of self-directed learning through living and engaging fully with the world. Below are eight of the biggest reasons why we’ve chosen unschooling for our kids.
- I WANT THEM TO LEARN HOW TO LEARN.
In traditional schooling, there is a heavy emphasis on following directions. It starts in kindergarten and often continues on through high school. Even in most college courses, the recipe for success is laid out for students. Do the assignments as directed and get an A. Congratulations. You’ve succeeded! I can follow directions like a pro, which is one reason I did well in school. Give me an assignment and I will follow instructions to a T. Unfortunately, I’ve found that this skill is next to useless in the real world (aside from tax filing). It also becomes less and less useful as you progress in school. In fact, the further along I got in school, the more schooling began to resemble unschooling. Once I started working on my dissertation, there were no more assignments to complete according to instructions. It was suddenly up to me to ask questions and then answer them. This was a big shift for me and I spent a couple of years floundering with lack of direction before figuring out how to handle self-directed learning. An unschooled person will have a huge advantage in this regard.
- I WANT TO RAISE LEADERS, THINKERS, INNOVATORS, AND ENTREPRENEURS.
Anyone can raise a future employee who shows up on time and does what they are told. It’s a much bigger challenge to raise a future employer — the one with the vision and drive to make things happen in the world. Of course, my kids may not grow up to be business owners. That isn’t the goal. The goal is to raise motivated thinkers who find a place they can put their passion to work, not just execute steps according to someone else’s plan.
- I’VE SEEN THE POWER OF BEING PASSIONATE ABOUT YOUR WORK.
Academia is full of people who are passionate about their work. Really passionate. Not “I enjoy my job, but look forward to kicking back on the weekend” passionate. I know many people for whom their job is not only their job, but also their hobby and their life. These people are wildly successful, not just by traditional standards of having prestige and money, but also by the more important standard of loving what you do and looking forward to doing it every day.
- I DON’T WANT THEM TO BE AFRAID OF MATH.
Unschooling parents are often asked, how will you teach your children math? The fact that this question pops up so frequently shows that many people believe math to be arcane form of knowledge that can’t be obtained the same way that reading, writing, music, or biology is learned. I don’t think that’s true at all. I think the only thing that sets math apart is that people are afraid of it. As a math major in college, I quickly got used to seeing pained looks on people’s faces when I told them what I studied. Once I was doing my homework on an airplane when a flight attendant glanced over said, “is that math? I hate math.” The school system is clearly doing a rather poor job of instilling a love of math in its students. Given the extremely strong correlation between loving a subject and learning it, I want to keep the love of math alive and well in our household.
- IT WILL PREPARE THEM BETTER FOR COLLEGE.
Some unschooling families don’t view college as a goal for their children. Some unschoolers start lucrative business, do apprenticeships, embark on their careers, or continue to educate themselves outside of institutions between the ages of 18-22 when many of their schooled peers are off to college. I believe these are worthwhile ways to spend your time, but I also believe that college is a very valuable experience due to the wealth of opportunities it places at your fingertips. The key is to be prepared to make the most of those opportunities. In my experience, homeschooled students clearly understand that they are in charge of their own education and professors are merely there to act as facilitators. That’s what it takes to be successful in college.
- IT WILL PREPARE THEM BETTER FOR THE WORKFORCE.
When you were a kid, you were probably asked at some point what you wanted to be when you grew up. What did you answer? Social media coordinator? Canine and equine massage therapist? Birth photographer? Mobile app developer? I suspect the answer was none of these, because some of these jobs didn’t exist when we were kids. Others may have existed but were hidden from most of us. We have no idea what the world will look like in 20 years or even in 10 years. Traditional schooling prepares kids for today’s jobs. Unschooling prepares them for future jobs.
- THEY WILL KNOW THAT PREPARING FOR COLLEGE OR THE WORKFORCE ISN’T THE POINT.
Becoming a knowledgable and productive adult citizen is important, but there is more to life that that. As someone who grew up as a “good student,” I admittedly sometimes forgot to seek out fun and adventure and even put building meaningful human relationships on the back burner. I’ve been slowly unlearning that since becoming a parent. The greatest beauty of unschooling lies in the time we have together as a family enjoying each other’s company. We don’t have homework battles. We have adventures together. We don’t have to rush off to separately places every morning. We can take our time. We don’t just prepare for life. We live it now.
- I KNOW THAT NO ONE HAS ALL THE ANSWERS.
Being in the company of some very smart people on a regular basis quickly shows you how little you actually know. After a while, you realize this applies to everyone. No one knows everything. My kids ask me questions I don’t know the answer to every single day. There is no shame in not knowing something. In fact, there is great value in realizing that you don’t know something and then going to find out. Like anyone else, unschooling parents don’t have all of the answers. But we ask a lot of questions and we dig deep, past common assumptions and social norms. I can’t think of a better example of a true education than that.
I’d love to see a follow-up of what unschooling looks like for your family in a regular day/week/month/year! I know that’s not the point- but it sounds fascinating!
Thanks! That’s a good idea for a follow up article. This year my oldest is attending an alternative school 3 days/week, but our normal weekly routine is to have an activity for four out of five weekdays. For example, forest school, co-op, music class, homeschool park day. We don’t do well staying home a lot, but like to keep one day of the week flexible.
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I love unschooling but I can’t unschool my oldest. It’s too much, he is too full on. He’s ASD, ADHD and very bright. He exhausts me when he is home, and not just physically but also mentally as he’s very bright. He’s so intense. So at the moment our plan is to unschool school, well that’s what we’re calling it. He will go to public school but we won’t put any pressure on him. He just has to be kind and follow an interest, and that will make us happy. We will be strict with schools about homework and expectations, tests etc. I’m not sure how it will work, he’s very sensitive so it might end up being proper unschooling but we will see.
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Unschooling isn’t for every parent/child combination. Protecting your own well-being and prioritizing your relationship with each child is so important. It sounds like you’ve found a way to do that. ❤